She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
