I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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