Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
