I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
