I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
