I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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