do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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