I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish I only lived at night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
