I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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