I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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