worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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