the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
where am i from again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
