Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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