That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
