Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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