end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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