why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
