a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
