I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
