I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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