i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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