Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
