She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I color on your dick again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
