Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
