Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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