um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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