So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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