the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
