so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
