I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
