I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
