i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
