I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize