I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
