Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
