it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
