where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
