I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I lost the right to judge tonight
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
