i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize