Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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