I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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