But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
