You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
