it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
