I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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