I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
