Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
