I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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