mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
