and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
