Pants 0. Shit 1.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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