those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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