Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
