Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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