drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
