margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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