i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
