You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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