I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
