At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
