All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
