you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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