You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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