you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
