A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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