I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
