you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
