I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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