eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
organizing the empties. That sober.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
