I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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