Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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