watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
