it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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