You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize