I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
