By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dicks are not precious.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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