I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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