I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
