I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
