Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
