am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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