I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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