I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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