Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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