I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
