i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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