I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
is it fun? or sober?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
