I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
