You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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