guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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