I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
