On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
