Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
