Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
