dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
