she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
