it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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