Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
