You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
