I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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