moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We are all done wearing pants today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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