So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
