I'm eating all of the evidence.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize