He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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