it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
