what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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