He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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