It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
